Wrong Turns

In the early years of our marriage. Tim and I were agonizing over a decision to relocate. Moving would mean advancing toward our goal of going overseas as missionaries; remaining where we were meant putting our dreams on hold. We prayed, read Scripture and even put out a fleece. Finally, Tim made the decision that we should indeed relocate. In spite of several hesitations, we followed the light that we seemed to have and went ahead in faith. For the next three years things seemed to fall into place for us, at least outwardly. Within a few months of our move we had an income, a church and circle of godly Christian friends. In a short time, Tim was serving on the elder board and was even asked to consider coming on staff of our church, one of the largest, growing churches in the area. However, in spite of outward appearances, it became increasingly apparent that our decision to move had been a wrong turn. For all of our efforts to try to push the door open, it seemed that we simply could not move ahead toward the mission field.

In the months and even years that followed we have wrestled with the question as to where we went wrong. We were seeking God's will. We were reading the Scriptures. What happened? Why were we so misguided?

When Christians are faced with such circumstances, it is easy to just wallow in unbelief, to point the blame at everyone else including God, rather than look at ourselves. We come by it honestly--even a cursory look at Adam and Eve in the garden reminds us of that. However, if we are to move beyond our impulse to blame God for our own mistakes in decision making, we must take His Word in one hand and a mirror and the other and begin to look at both. As we have struggled personally with our own confusing experiences, we have come to some conclusions that are helpful in evaluating the past and navigating the future.

1. Anyone can be deceived, even me.
This might be the most humbling step in the whole process--actually admitting that we were mistaken about God's will-- but it is also perhaps the most important. As long as we are denying our part in the mess, we cannot correct our thinking and learn from the experience. The same Scripture passage that tells us that our hearts are wicked also tells us that they are "deceitful above all things" Jeremiah 17:9

2. Mixed motives muddy the waters regarding God's will.
We learned the hard way that it is possible to think that you want God's will while still putting limits on what you will or won't do. In our case, God was asking us to lay aside our desire to serve Him overseas. A career in missions sounds so spiritual and worthwhile but even such a desire can hide all kinds of selfish motives. For both of us, our pure motives were so entangled with selfish motives that it was difficult to discern the" less than godly" ones. We have since learned to ask God to purify our hearts -- to bring us to the place where we have no personal will in the matter. We need hearts that are open to whatever God has for us and desire His glory above any personal benefit . Anything less, and we are opening ourselves up to self-deception.

3. Pride fogs our thinking.
In Obediah 1:3 God told the people of Edom that the pride of their heart had deceived them. Pride is like an iceberg. Far more lurks below the surface than we can imagine. Dislodging it is a slow, painful process. It requires that we repent every time God exposes another facet of our self-centeredness and that we ask Him again to change us. In spite of the difficulty of this fight, it is one of our most significant battles as God warns us in James 4:6-10 that He opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. When we have a proud heart, we don't seek Him or his help the way we should and often find ourselves wandering off.

4. Knowing God and His Word are a tremendous safeguard.
It is possible to think that you are doing the right thing but be mistaken because you lack the knowledge of God and His Word that you need. The Scripture has numerous examples of this. One of the most striking occurred when Uzzah was struck down by God for trying to steady the ark with his hand (1 Chronicles 13:7-10). This priest was trying to do a seemingly spiritual thing but died in the process. What went wrong? The truth was that Uzzah and Ahio were handling the ark in the wrong manner. If they had been carrying the ark using poles as God had instructed, the disaster would never have happened. Perhaps these men thought that God would wink at their methods because their objectives were noble. God's punishment may seem severe to us, but we need to consider who they were.These men were priests. They were the ones who were to bring the Word of God to the people. They should have known and valued God's instructions on how to transport one of the most holy things that God had entrusted to the nation of Israel. - How well do you know what the Word of God has to say about the issues of your life? Are you concerned that you might be ignorant of commands or not really understand God and the things that are on His heart?The Holy Spirit promises to teach us all things but He cannot do it in a vacuum.

5. Oftentimes, the way back is the way forward.
God is a God of second chances, but He is also a God who calls us to deal with past failures honestly and thoroughly. The word "repent" always preceded the word "believe" when Jesus was preaching about the kingdom of God. In order to move forward after a misstep, God would have us go back, acknowledge our failures with all the humility and honesty that we can muster, and then "get back on where we got off". Sweeping such things under the rug (our strong tendency) only sets us up to repeat the mistakes instead of learning from them.

It is reassuring to remember that even with the worst of mistakes, we need not despair. God still is able to work all things together for good and use even our foibles to bring blessing. Whether our wandering is from willfulness or ignorance (or some combination of the two), God's ultimate desire is that the bumps and bruises that we experience along the way will lead us to a closer relationship to Him. He wants us to learn through our mistakes that the safest place to be is as close to Him as we can get.

"I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye." Psalm 32:8

– Kristen and Tim Martin

A Striking Contrast

Every once in a while, a home schooled young person finds their way into the national media spotlight. Generally, it is being recognized for winning the National Spelling Bee, or a prominent Science Fair. These I only notice with passing interest. But when two previously home schooled young men appeared in national news stories within a few hours of each other, it really got my attention. But it was the further digging into each story that has really made me think a little longer and harder about parenting.

By the time 2007 Heisman Trophy winning quarterback Tim Tebow had finished his acceptance speech in New York, 24 year old Matthew Murray was a few hours away from a murderous rampage in Colorado that would leave 5 dead, including himself. What did they share in common, aside from the date of their headlines? They were both from Christian families, and they were both home schooled, K-12.

Such a dramatic contrast begs for closer examination. Tim Tebow grew up as the youngest of 5 to missionary/evangelist Bob Tebow. He credits his dad for teaching him godliness and his mom for teaching him to memorize Scripture. He says that his four brothers and sisters made a path by which he was able to "just follow in their footsteps." Tim had an incredible year on the football field, becoming the first sophomore to ever win the Heisman Trophy, but his ongoing Christian witness at postgame interviews are becoming a trademark. During the recent Capital One Bowl Game, we heard a secular sports announcer's voice soften as she told about Tim's deep character that was motivating him to spend his upcoming spring break in the Phillippines helping out at the orphanage that his parents run, while most of his peers will be partying on the beaches.

We know much less about the home life of Matthew Murray, but he also was raised memorizing Scripture and was home schooled using one of the most conservative Christian curriculums (ATI). His father was a respected neurologist, so he obviously was raised with a significant financial advantage and his family was described as extremely religious. However, Matthew's online postings on a number of websites reveal that he rejected Christianity in his early adult years and became enamored with the occult.

The unsettling fact is that the children of Christian parents are going astray in droves. In the past 30 years, Christians have tried to address this problem by developing glitzy youth programs, establishing countless Christian schools, and more recently choosing to homeschool their children. In spite of all these efforts, youth experts like Josh McDowell in his book "The Lost Generation" tells us, "The Nehemiah Institute has offered a valuable service in providing testing to over 20,000 students from one thousand schools. Christian parents have even tested their young people who attend public school. You would probably not be surprised to learn that eighty-five percent (85%) of youth from Christian homes that attend public schools do not embrace a biblical worldview. But what of students in Christian schools? While these students scored slightly higher than their counterparts attending public schools, only six percent (6%) of students embraced a Biblical Theism Worldview. It is clear we have all but lost our young people to a godless culture." Sadly we personally know of numerous homeschooled young adults that have also rejected Biblical Christianity. But what about Proverb 22:6 which promises," Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it"? If we are honest there are only two options. Either this promise is not a true statement or something has gone desperately wrong with the training of Christian children today. It is tempting to try to explain away what this verse means, but in Romans 3:4 and other verses God challenges us to believe His word and mistrust our own ideas,"Let God be true, but every man a liar." So if we are forced to accept that Christians today are significantly failing to bring up their children in the way that they should go, we must ask, "What is the way our children should go?" Unfortunately, the context in Proverbs 22 does not provide a clear cut explanation of what it means by "the way he should go". Instead we must look at the rest of the Bible to clarify this for us.

In Mark 12:29, Jesus was asked what was the greatest commandment. Instead of listing one of the ten, he summarized them all in a powerful way. "And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength; this is the first commandment." Can we really grasp what Jesus is saying? At the heart of the Christian faith IS our heart. The core factor in the way we should go is not a formula but a question . . . "Do you love me more than these?" More than these children? More than these pleasures? More than these goals or dreams? More than your favorite "comfort" diversion? Do you love me more than these? The life of a true Christian should be one of a passionate pursuit of this one goal. . . loving God more than anything or anyone else including ourselves. All of life should be seen as an opportunity for God to bring about this pure love for Him. Those trials that plow us under, the blessings that we selfishly cling to, the fears we can't push through, and the the sins that we keep succumbing to, all reveal other loves. If we choose to lay these down as they are revealed to us, our love for God will grow. However, so often we aren't willing to do this. Instead, we focus on lesser goals. Training up children to be responsible adults, even ones who go to church and don't do drugs or who get a decent job and provide for a family, or have interesting skills and hobbies all seem like goals that are worthwhile, but these truly are lesser goals than what Scripture calls us to. The reason why it is so tempting to focus on these kinds of goals is because it requires less from us. . . far less than what God is calling us to. God is calling us to love Him with all our hearts and then to give ourselves to reaching the lost and equipping believers. While winning the lost and equipping Christians must begin at home, it should not end there. Tim Tebow's parents understand that well. They were willing to raise their children along side hundreds of orphans. We may have a romantic picture of this . . . but consider for a moment the kinds of language, stories, diseases and behavior some of street-wise orphans might have. Tim's parents took a big risk --- that these harmful influences might overcome their five children --- but when God led them to do it, they obeyed. Tim says that his parents took his education and spiritual training very seriously, while still living a life poured out for others.

It is easy to slide into an assumption that something as external as home schooling is a silver bullet that will somehow keep our kids from going bad. Or that if we just provide them with enough positive activities or raise them in a strict conservative manner withdrawn from the world, we can escape the heartache of a child who wanders from their faith. Many tragic stories like the one that played out in Colorado a few weeks ago ought to remind us that training of children has no silver bullets. Training children is a costly, costly affair that has everything to do with heart issues in both parent and child.

And yet, if we are willing to step up and ask God to change our hearts so that we will love Him as we should and are willing to aim our children toward nothing less than what God calls all of his disciples to, then we can and should expect to raise earnest and bold Christians who walk on in the way they should go. They will not depart from that training but instead will bring glory to God by loving Him and pouring out their lives on behalf of His kingdom, even if they don't ever win the Heisman.

For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him. 2 Chronicles 16:9